Quotes from The Lame Duck Congress

Donna: You guys are on the wrong side of this.
Josh: Aren't you one of "you guys?"
Donna: Not on this.

Bartlet: It's like running the country with Barnum, Bailey and his sister, Sue.

Bartlet: Charlie!
Charlie: Yes, sir.
Bartlet: Can I have a couple of aspirin or a weapon of some kind to kill people with.

Leo: Even when there here in session, getting a hundred senators in line is still like trying to get cats to walk in a parade.

C.J.: You expect me to do nothing about it?
Danny: What are you going to do, cancel your subscription?
C.J.: Look...
Danny: Smack me around?
C.J.: Any reason I can't do both?

Josh: ...and Republicans find the word "ergonomic" to be silly.
Donna: If we backed off of everything because of words the Republicans found silly, we'd have a lot of pregnant teenagers and no health care.
Josh: We DO have a lot of pregnant teenagers and no health care.
Donna: So, how's your plans working out so far?

Sam: You must have had them rolling in aisles back in Georgia.
Ainsley: I'm from North Carolina.
Sam: Wherever it was that you studied baton-twirling.
Ainsley: That'd be Harvard Law School.

Leo: What?
Sam: I'm gonna take Ainsley to the Hill's briefing meetings.
Leo: Good.
Sam: She wants me to teach her a couple things.
Leo: Good.
Sam: She called me the master.
Leo: Get out.

Charlie: The girl's not bad looking.
Leo: Go to work.
Charlie: Think she knows how to kill me?
Leo: Yes.

Josh: Oh, how I miss the Cold War.

Leo: Can you keep your people in line?
Josh: Well, there's been no evidence of it so far.

Josh: I need Vasily Konanov to meet with someone of absolutely not consequence. You're my girl.
Donna: That's a hell of a...
Josh: I need you to meet with Vasily Konanov.
Donna: Why?
Josh: So the president can drop in and interrupt you.
Donna: Are you kidding me?
Josh: No.
Donna: So, I'm a beard.
Josh: Yes.
Donna: I'm being used.
Josh: Yes.
Donna: A a dupe.
Josh: Yes.
Donna: How am I supposed to feel about that?
Josh: How do you usually feel about that?
Donna: Josh.
Josh: Donna.
Donna: My value here is that I have no value.
Josh: You have enormous value to me, you have no value to Eastern Europe.

Toby: Why's a test-ban treaty so important? Let me tell you. In 1974, India set off a peaceful nuclear explosion. Indira Ghandi herself said they had no intention of building a bomb, they just wanted to know that they could. Twenty years later India sets off five nuclear explosions. Who gets nervous? Pakistan. And when Pakistan gets nervous, everybody get nervous. You know why? 'Cause we're all gonna die.

Danny: Hey, Charlie.
Charlie: Hey, Danny.
Danny: Hey, C.J.
C.J.: Hey, Nimrod.
Danny: Look, I leaked your damn story for you.
C.J.: You leaked it for me? I leaked it to you, pal. I use you like so much whatever.
Danny: Well put.

Bartlet: Ah, it's gonna look petty and petulant. You know why?
C.J.: Sir?
Bartlet: Because it's petty and petulant.

Bartlet: Danny, I think you guys have had your head up your asses for the last few weeks. I hope you don't mind me saying so.
Danny: Of course not, Mr. President.
Bartlet: Not only that, but I think you've been trying to bait me which is a waste of time, paper and ink. I'm like fifty times smarter than any of you will ever hope to be. I've got an election in two years and I'm not about to alienate The Washington Post.
Danny: Yes, sir.
Bartlet: I'll tell you what I will do, though. I'm cancelling our subscription.
Excellent, sir. The White House buys 1,100 copies of The Post every day. C.J.: Cancelling that subscription should send a message loud and clear.
Bartlet: No, I meant just mine and Abbey's. I'll borrow a copy from somebody.

Ainsley: Sam.
Sam: It's a short day, Ainsley, and a big country. We've got to move fast.
Ainsley: Okay, so because I said this in here, the president in there is gonna....
Sam: Yeah.
Ainsley: You've gotta tell me when that's gonna happen. Is this how you guys decide to go to war?
Sam: I don't know, I'm usually not in the room when they do that.
Ainsley: Sam.
Sam: Could somebody get her a cupcake or something?!

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