Quotes from Two Cathedrals

C.J.: Listen, I was thinking since it's probably gonna be a light day, maybe blow off work, go shopping or something.

Sam: President Bartlet is not a candidate, he's the president.

Bartlet: You ever been to National Cathedral?
Charlie: Yes, sir.
Bartlet: You know you can lay the Washington Monument down on its side in that church.
Charlie: I did, actually.
Bartlet: We should try it.

Mrs. Landingham: Your car won't start.
Jed: Yes.
Mrs. Landingham: What's wrong with it?
Jed: It's possibly the starter motor or the fan belt.
Mrs. Landingham: Do you know anything about cars?
Jed: No.
Mrs. Landingham: Then how do you know...?
Jed: 'Cause those are the two things I've heard of.

Jed: I'm not a woman and I don't work here.
Mrs. Landingham: The women who do are afraid for their jobs. If they bring it up, they're afraid for their jobs. What is it you're afraid of?
Jed: Why do you talk to me like this?
Mrs. Landingham: Because you never had a big sister and you need one. Look at you. You're a boy king. You're a foot smarter than the smartest kids in the class. You're blessed with inspiration. You must know this by now, you must have sensed it. Look, if you think we're wrong, if you think Mr. Hopkins should honestly get paid more than Mrs. Chadwick, then I respect that. But if you think we're right, and you won't speak up 'cause you can't be bothered, then, God, Jed, I don't even want to know you.

Bartlet: You're a son of a bitch, you know that? She bought her first new car and you hit her with a drunk driver. What, was that supposed to be funny? "You can't conceive, nor can I, the appalling strangeness of the mercy of God," says Graham Greene. I don't know whose ass he was kissin' there, 'cause I think you're just vindictive. What was Josh Lyman, a warning shot? That was my son. What did I ever do to yours but praise his glory and praise his name? There's a tropical storm that's gaining speed and power. They say we haven't had a storm this bad since you took out that Tender ship of mine in the North Atlantic last year. Sixty-eight crew. You know what a Tender ship? Fixes the other ships. It doesn't even carry guns, it just goes around, fixes the other ships and delivers the mail. That's all it can do.

Bartlet: Yes, I lied. It was a sin. I've committed many sins. Have I dispelased you, you feckless thug? 3.8 million new jobs, that wasn't good? Bailed out Mexico, increased foreign trade, thirty million new acres of land for conservation, put Mendoza on the bench, we're not fighting a war, I've raised three children... that's not enough to buy me out of the dog house?

Translation of what Bartlet said in Latin: Am I really to believe that these are the acts of a loving God? A just God? A wise God? To hell with your punishments. I was your servant here on Earth. And I spread your word and I did your work. To hell with your punishments. To hell with you.

Bartlet: You get Hoynes!

Donna: Josh, can this really be how it works? We have no idea if he's gonna run again, he's in a room with Leo making a decision? Two people in a matter of minutes? Is this how it works?
Josh: It's how it works today.

Mrs. Landingham: God doesn't make cars crash and you know it. Stop using me as an excuse.

Bartlet: Give me numbers.
Mrs. Landingham: I don't know numbers. You give them to me.
Bartlet: How about a child born in this minute has a one in five chance of being born into poverty.
Mrs. Landingham: How many Americans don't have health insurance?
Bartlet: Forty-four million.
Mrs. Landingham: What's the number one cause of death for black men under thirty-five?
Bartlet: Homicide.
Mrs. Landingham: How many Americans are behind bars?
Bartlet: Three million.
Mrs. Landingham: How many Americans are drug addicts?
Bartlet: Five million.
Mrs. Landingham: And one in five kids in poverty?
Bartlet: That's thirteen million American children. Three and a half million kids go to schools that are literally falling apart. We need a hundred and twenty-seven billion in school construction and we need it today.
Mrs. Landingham: To say nothing of fifty-three people trapped in an embassy.
Bartlet: Yes.
Mrs. Landingham: You know, if you don't want to run again, I respect that. But if you don't run because you think it's gonna be too hard or you think you're gonna lose, well, God, Jed, I don't even want to know you.

Leo: Watch this.

Back to episode info