Quotes from the Pilot
"You can't use your phone until we land, sir." --stewardess
"We're flying in a Lockheed Eagle Series L10-11. Came off the line twenty months ago. Carries a Zim-5 transpondent tracking system. Are you telling me that I can still flummox this thing with something I bought at Radio Shack?" --Toby
"You can call when we land, sir." --stewardess
"Also, I never got my peanuts." --Toby
"I'm wasted." --Laurie
"And probably free of cataracts." --Sam
"I get that. It's funny." --Laurie
"Tell your friend POTUS he's got a funny name, and he should learn how to ride a bicycle." -Laurie
"I would, but he's not my friend, he's my boss. And it's not his name, it's his title." -Sam
"POTUS?" -Laurie
"President of the United States." -Sam
"It's a nice morning, Mr. McGarry." --Mike
"We'll take care of that in a hurry, won't we, Mike?" --Leo
"Yes, sir." --Mike
"He was swerving to avoid a tree." -Leo
"And what happened?" -Donna
"He was unsuccessful." -Leo
"Lady, the god you pray to is too busy being indicted for tax fraud." -- Josh to Mary Marsh
"True or false: if I were to stand on high ground in Key West with a good pair of binoculars I'd be as informed as I am right now." -- Leo
"That's true." -- Josh
"The intelligence budget's money well spent." -- Leo
"He's a clutz, Mrs. Landingham, your president's a geek." -- Leo
"Margaret, please call the editor of the New York Times crossword and tell him that Khaddafi and is spelled with and H and two Ds and isn't a seven-letter word for anything." -- Leo
"Is this for real or is this just fun?" -- Margaret
"Apparently neither." -- Leo
"Is there anything I can say other than the president rode his bicycled into a tree?" -- C.J.
"He hopes never to do it again." -- Leo
"Military." -- Leo
"Yeah." -- Sam
"You think the United States is under attack from 1200 Cubans in rowboats." -- Toby
"I'm not saying I don't like our chances." -- Sam
"You know, if you listen carefully you can hear two centuries of presidents rolling over in their graves." -- Josh
"Come to the meeting, be nice, and keep your job." -- Toby
"Is that the same suit you wore yesterday?" -- Sam
"Yeah. You?" -- Josh
"Yeah." -- Sam
"You're a Fulbright scholar. Are you honestly the only adult in America that doesn't think you're about to be fired?" -- Mandy
"A seventy-six year-old grandmother doesn't defend herself with a modified AK-47 assault rifle, Larry, unless she's defending herself from church rebels." -- Sam
"A woman's about to call me. She's not gonna know why. Put her through." -- Sam
"Um, can I ask you something?" -- Sam
"Am I a hooker?" -- Laurie
No, no. What I was gonna say, is this. Is it possible, that in addition to being a law student and part-time bartender, that you are, what I'm certain would have to be, a very high-priced call girl?" -- Sam
"I don't know what to say to them." -- Sam
"You're supposed to tell them about the building and its history. Do you need anything?" -- Kathy
"I need someone to tell me about the building and its history." -- Sam
"Miss O'Brien, I understand your feelings, but please believe me when I tell you that I'm a nice guy havin' a bad day. I just found out the Times is publishing a poll that says a considerable number of Americans feel that the Whitehouse has lost energy and focus – a perception that's not likely to be altered by the video footage of the president riding his bicycle into a tree. As we speak, the Coastguard are fishing Cubans out of the Atlantic Ocean while the Governor of Florida wants to blockade the port of Miami. A good friend of mine's about to get fired for going on television and making sense, and it turns out that I accidentally slept with a prostitute last night. Now, would you please, in the name of compassion, tell me which one of those kids is my boss's daughter." -- Sam
"That would be me." -- Miss O'Brien
"You." -- Sam
"Yes." -- Miss O'Brien
"Leo's daughter's fourth grade class." -- Sam
"Yes." -- Miss O'Brien
"Well, this is bad on so many levels." -- Sam
"If our children can buy pornography on any street corner for five dollars, isn't that too high a price to pay for free speech?" -- John Van Dyke
"No." -- Bartlet
"Really?" -- John Van Dyke
"On the other hand, I do think that five dollars is too high a price to pay for pornography." -- Bartlet
"You know my wife, Abby, she never wants me to do anything while I'm upset. Thank you, Mr. Lewis. Twenty-eight years ago I came home from a very bad day at the statehouse. I tell Abby I'm going out for a drive. I get in the station wagon, put it in reverse, and pull out of the garage full speed. Except I forgot to open the garage door. Abby told me not to drive while I was upset and she was right. And she was right yesterday when she told me not to get on that damn bicycle while I was upset, but I did it anyway. And I guess I was just about as angry as I've ever been in my life. Seems my granddaughter, Annie, had given an interview to one of those teen magazines, and somewhere between movie stars and makeup tips she talked about her feelings on a woman's right to choose. Now, Annie, all of twelve, has always been precocious, but she's got a good head on shoulders and I like it when she uses it, so I couldn't understand it when her mother called me in tears yesterday. I said, 'Elizabeth, what's wrong?' She said, 'It's Annie.' Now, I love my family, and I've read my bible from cover to cover, so I ask you to tell me, from what part of holy scripture do you suppose the Lambs of God drew their divine inspiration when they sent my twelve-year-old granddaughter a Raggedy-Ann doll with knife stuck through it's throat? You'll denounce these people Al. You'll do it publicly. And until you do, you can all get your fat asses out of my Whitehouse." -- Bartlet
"I'm in charge of the message around here." -- Toby to Josh
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